


Collapse into Me (Tired with Joy)

by Meadow Lion (Meadow_Lion)



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Missing Scene, Physical Disability, Romance, Snark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-11-05
Updated: 2007-11-05
Packaged: 2017-10-18 05:34:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/185566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meadow_Lion/pseuds/Meadow%20Lion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Since the hospital, Noah has learned the value of persistence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Collapse into Me (Tired with Joy)

**Author's Note:**

> There are at least a dozen stories that I should and want to be writing in other fandoms; this is the one that I **needed** to write. This missing scene directly follows the couple's last canon scene from AtWT's October 31, 2007, episode. Some dialogue from that opens the piece, but you'll probably still be confused if you're not relatively versed in [their](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luke_Snyder_and_Noah_Mayer) [history](http://youtube.com/profile_videos?user=LukeVanFan). Snow Patrol's "[Hands Open](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/snowpatrol/handsopen.html)" provided my title. Thanks go to [](http://lunasky.livejournal.com/profile)[**lunasky**](http://lunasky.livejournal.com/) for timely betaing.

_LUKE: I want you to say **anything** , something real!_

 _NOAH: Yes! Okay? It freaked me out when you fell. It scared me. I wasn't expecting that!_

 _LUKE: This isn't what I want._

 _NOAH: Me either. I should just go out, and, and, and come back in, start over._

 _LUKE: No. No. I mean **this**. **Us**. You'd better go._

  
Noah stares at Luke and, for a long, empty moment, feels himself turning toward the door. Then he stops. "No."

"No?" Luke repeats, his upper lip curled.

" _No_." They're beginning to sound like a broken record in dual tones, but Noah won't back down. Standing up for himself -- for what he wants -- gets easier every time he does it. His fingers are digging ruts into the edge of the counter behind him, though. "I'm not leaving."

The wheelchair swivels Luke away from him with a crack against the chairs at the table. "Then I will."

"Well, I guess we're even more meant for each other than I thought," Noah says.

"What? What are you talking about?"

Luke's stillness makes it hard for Noah to breathe. He forces the words out like rocks through a camera lens. "You're a coward, too."

Glancing over his shoulder, Luke raises both eyebrows. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me." And, finally, Noah reaches the anger that he's been suppressing -- the frustration and pain he's tried to keep from Luke. He tumbles over the cliff of it, heavy and unheeding. "You said we could be strong together. You asked for honesty, for reality, but when I gave it to you, you couldn't handle it. You just _gave up_!"

"I didn't --"

Noah's voice is rising. He lets it. "Luke, you wanted me to yell, so, listen to me. You think you screwed up, and you're damn right. You screwed up big time. But not by falling, not by being upset about falling, not even by taking that out on me. You screwed up by trying to shut me out."

He can't find the words for how much that hurt. While his brain is trying to catch up with his mouth, auto-pilot has Noah doing what comes naturally anymore. He watches Luke.

Luke, whose agile fingers work to ply his chair into submission as he pivots. Whose throat works to swallow his first response or three.

Managing to look up at Noah without actually looking into his eyes, Luke mutters, "Maybe I was just trying to beat you to the punch."

"You want to take a shot?" Noah tears his hands away from the counter top to spread them wide. "Go ahead. I'm still not going anywhere."

Luke snorts. "Yeah, that's everybody's ideal boyfriend: a martyr who hangs around out of pity and obligation."

"Arghh!" Noah groans, running his hands through his hair. "Jesus, Luke, you're too fucking stubborn for me to pity you, and if I were acting out of obligation, I'd have left Oakdale days ago so you'd never have to see the son of the guy who did this to you."

Silence fills the room, stretches like helium in a balloon that Luke pops with his grumbled "I told you. I don't blame you."

A few cautious steps bring Noah close to Luke. Noah doesn't want to squat as if Luke is some kid -- even if he's acting like one -- so he drops to his knees instead, sitting back on his heels and bracing his arms gingerly on Luke's thighs. "Then, tell me something else, please."

He waits until Luke's gaze meets his own.

"Tell me why you're trying so hard to push me away."

Luke closes his eyes. His jaw tightens, the resultant lines and angles drawing attention to his damp lashes.

Noah holds his breath and fights not to move, to stroke his thumbs over Luke's eyelids, cheeks, lips. Again he says, " _Please_."

"I'm terrified." Luke's eyes lock on Noah's. The hoarseness of his voice is a serrated blade scraping inside Noah's chest. "I may never get better, and I'll be this pathetic weakling you're stuck hauling around like dirty laundry, and we'll hate each other. I might as well just skip to the inevitable conclusion and get it all over with for both of us now."

Shaking his head, Noah can't hold in the gentle laugh. "God, you're an idiot."

"What?" Luke says, mouth falling open.

"We're both scared. You're also strong, and gorgeous, and amazing, and _so dumb_. And I haven't stopped wanting to be with you. This isn't how it ends for us."

Luke crosses his arms. Now he sounds huffy. "Oh? So, how does it end, Mr. Psychic?"

"I don't know." A smile keeps tickling the edges of Noah's mouth. "Maybe it doesn't."

"You can't still be that naïve." Luke bites his lip -- maybe, just maybe, hiding his own smile.

Noah gives into his earlier urge and lifts his hands to cup Luke's face. "Why the hell not?"

"After everything we've been through, how can you even ask that?"

"After everything we've been through, how can you even think I'd give up?" He rocks forward slowly, leaning closer. "I want you to tell me something real now, too. Tell me you don't want me to leave. You don't want me to stop."

" _Noah_." His own name is a whisper that he wants to taste on Luke's tongue.

"At the hospital, you asked me not to go. If you still want me . . . say it, Luke." He leans closer yet -- two breaths, two heartbeats away. Luke watches him with what might be hope or might be more. It might be the _more_ that Noah feels humming under his skin like the heat of a summer sun. The _more_ that's been humming since he fell into the slick warmth of Luke scant inches from here after their dip in the pond months ago.

With one deep breath, Luke says, "I want you."

Noah says the same with a deeper kiss. When Luke's mouth softens under his, Noah slides his tongue between their lips. He stokes the contact hotter, hotter and wetter and sweeter. Luke knots his fingers with Noah's and kisses him back.

The kiss evolves until Noah physically needs oxygen but only wants _more_. Unthinking, he goes for it, kissing Luke harder and resting more weight on his elbows, on Luke's thighs.

A sharp groan spills from Luke's mouth to his.

Noah jerks backward but doesn't let go. "Did I hurt you? Did you -- do you feel something?"

Luke's wry expression, lopsided from the pressure of Noah's lips, makes him want to kiss Luke all over again. He probably would have, if Luke weren't talking.

"Yes, I feel something, Noah. Not what you mean, though. This may come as a surprise, but I'm not a Disney princess. Kissing me doesn't wake up all the parts of me I'd like."

"Oh. No, right, of course not," Noah mumbles, blinking. The heat that has been flooding all of Noah's 'parts' sweeps up into his face.

"But feel free to keep trying."

"Yeah?" Noah starts to grin.

"Yeah," Luke says, his own grin widening and bright as Noah tilts his head forward again.

"Ahem."

Noah practically gives himself whiplash turning his head toward the door.

Mrs. Snyder smiles at them from the doorway. "Sorry to interrupt, you two, but Dusty wants to get going soon. If everything is okay and you're ready, Noah . . . ?"

Noah glances the question at Luke, who looks gratifyingly disappointed.

Squeezing Noah's hands, Luke tells him, "It's okay. We'll talk again later."

"Good." Noah squeezes in turn before getting to his feet. "Until then, I'll let you work on your beauty sleep."

"Gee, thanks." The words are mocking, but Noah can see from the pleasure still reflected in Luke's eyes that he understands -- and if he forgets, Noah will be back to remind him.

  


\- end - 


End file.
